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Sunday, February 24, 2013

Hey! It's been about a week since my first post. I plan on writing at minimum once a week since weekends are the best time for me to do this :) So, let me reflect on the last week of my life...

I live in Northeastern Kansas so my town fell into the area that big winter storm was supposed to take place in. It was talked up so much that my place of work ended up having a plant shutdown day this last Thursday...which means everybody had to come in and work Saturday. Well that's fine I can accept that, but the cruddy part was it ended up not being as bad as they had predicted it would, not in our area, so we totally could have made it to work and back with minimal issues. Meaning our weekend was split up when it didn't have to be...but what can you do? It was after all done in our best interest.

In case you're wondering, I haven't been dwelling on the upcoming doctor appointment anywhere near as much as I thought i would. This week has passed pretty quickly and work has been going rather smoothly. Only three more weeks to go!

My mom was emotional yesterday, as she usually is around this time of the year. Twenty-three years ago as of yesterday my father died. He was 27 years old, crew chief of a Huey Helicopter serving in Panama. He was on a mission called Operation Just Cause when a sudden storm caused two helicopters to crash, no survivors, he was one of them. I was two years old, my younger sister was a year old and my older sister (who he had adopted) was ten. So all I know is what I am told, but I like to hear about him. My older sister said she never felt out of place with him, that he treated her as his own, over-protective and all, lol. Would not let her wear dark or bright nail polish and didn't want her to wear make-up until she was 18. She wishes he could have been there to guide her through her teenage years. She said she used to dream of him suddenly showing up, that somehow there had been a mistake and he had survived and fought his way back home, but that faded with time.

She remembers the day they found out. The whole family was at the table and we were eating macaroni and cheese. There was a knock at the door and Liz (my older sister) looked at mom. Mom just sat there and stared at her bowl, like she didn't want to answer it. Looking back on it, Liz thinks mom already knew. Dad had always told her that as long as nobody showed up at the house, he was fine. Liz tells me that those years she had Dad in her life mom was the happiest...and she's never seen her as happy since. Mom told me that the night he died (before the news was delivered to her) she had woke up from a bad dream. Fear and pain gripped her chest strongly and she thought of Dad. Then as quickly as it came it was replaced with a strong sense of calm. Like something telling her that everything would be okay. She thinks it was Dad comforting her before she even knew what had happened. I can only imagine the strength it would have took for her to carry on with three children alone in this world.

When I was still a little girl, not sure how old I was, my mom caught me talking to the family portrait she still had up. I was telling Daddy that I missed him and that I was being good. Later on I had had a dream about him. I dreamed I was sitting on his lap and told him that I wanted to go with him and be where he was. He told me no, that I couldn't, but that he loved me. These stories make me cry, but I feel blessed to be able hear about them, and am glad that at least one of us have memories to share. :)

For example when he was stationed in Fort Hood, TX (my little sis was born there!) my Dad was making a rock wall perimeter around the house because there were so many large flat rocks out there. Liz was following him around and he made it her job to find smaller rocks to fill in the holes. She says looking back on it she thinks it was just busy work, lol. I thought it was cute :)

Sorry for the emotional journey, but my Dad was also a really good artist, I have three pictures that he drew and/or painted hanging up in my house and I LOVE them! :)  He was really talented.



 
(These last two pics are in my hallway so it doesn't allow me to shoot them straight on. The sketch right above this explanation is one he did an oil painting of, my mom has it it in her house and it is awesome! :))

Well, moving on...my little brother Thomas was in car accident last night. Everybody is fine but he was pretty shaken. He was driving my mom's truck when a car heading the opposite way turned left and pulled right out in front of him. He was going 30 mph so at least he wasn't speeding and the accident was not his fault. The only problem is that he still only has his Restricted as he has been putting off taking the Driver's Test. But you can bet he has plans to get it now! lol. He doesn't want to drive a manual for the test so we're letting him use our car since it's an automatic :) Good Luck Tommy! lol

I talked to my other little brother, Matt, last night. He is in California in training to be a Machine Gunner for the US Marine Corps. This last January he graduated into the Marine Corps after being ran into the ground and yelled at for a long 13 weeks! He has another 8 weeks of training where he is at, and so far it looks like he will get a 96 hour leave (of which he is dying to make it home if even for a  little bit, can't wait!) after which he is looking at being stationed over seas for at least 7 months :(  He signed on for 8 years, four active and four non-active. Naturally I will worry about him, but I am happy that he is doing what he wants to do. All I can do is let him know that I love him and I support his decisions :)

This coming week will be a three-day work week for me and my husband. We are taking vacation Thursday and Friday, too bad it's not a real vacation! Anyway, I will have to fill you in on yet more information so bear with me!

About 6 years ago my husband was diagnosed with cancer of the throat, tongue, neck and lymph glands. It was at a level IV and he was given four months to live. Which meant that at the time he would be lucky to make it to Christmas. Well he went into it to fight with everything he had and requested to take Chemotherapy and Radiation at the same time. They consented and so started the process. They also had him go into surgery to go in and remove as much as they could that way. He only missed 4 days of work through the whole ordeal, but in the end he beat it and has now been cleared for over 6 years now. I should clarify here that I did not know him at this time, we met at work after he had been cleared of cancer and he had his weight back up.

Because of where they had to aim the lasers in radiation they had remove all his molars, else they would go to rot in his mouth. He is currently left with only 14 teeth, all of them up front so people actually can't tell unless you tell them. Anyway after all the treatments he has very little blood flow in his gums, meaning his teeth just can't stay healthy instead they are slowly dieing. The dentist gives them another year tops before they become too brittle to stay in his mouth. So...this Thursday he goes to remove the rest of his teeth for DENTURES! He's actually a little excited and nervous about it and i'm excited for him to :) To finally have a full set of teeth! I told him if he has any questions he can talk to my mom because she already has them! lol

Well, I will fill you in on how everything goes. You've probably learned enough of me today so I will jet! It was fun and until next time!

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Waiting...

Hi Everybody! I am officially a first time blogger now. Feels a little weird but a lot of new things do right? I know I enjoy reading other people's stories but I tend to be one of those people who think, 'who would want to read about me?' Though on the flip side there have been some very interesting times in my life that taught me some valuable lessons...maybe another time?

Anyway, I think I will start with the present. Right now I have high hopes of being able to share with you my own surrogacy journey. Obviously there are no guaranteeds so it's one of those things you don't want to dwell on or it will drive you crazy. I have read about surrogate mothers and have done my fair share of research on this. One of my favorite surrogacy stories came from Jeni Denhof and her blog (she is also the one that has encouraged me to start my own). Thanks Jeni! I truly believe myself strong enough mentally, emotionally and physically to do this for somebody. I want to be apart of helping somebody else create their family. I want to see the looks on their faces when that baby (or babies!) comes into their world for them to love and care for. I know that I will most definately be emotional, but that's to be expected and totally worth it.

Just thinking to myself off and on as my mind wanders to surrogacy and it's possibilities quite often. There are a lot of things to consider. I have wondered (and I realize it will be different for each person, so I wonder in regard to myself) would it be better to have very little contact with IP's or a lot? And then once the baby (ies) are in their new home, updates and contact? ....... It just seems like something that you won't know until you go through it. But I'm pretty sure I would be more than happy to accept whatever amount of contact the IP's allowed. And I am also confident that I would have no problem knowing that the child(ren) is(are) not mine, but am sure I would still feel some kind of a bond...like family. I think it is awesome that they actually match you up with the intended parents to. To be able to establish a relationship and common ground with them of some form would only make the experience that much more enjoyeable and fulfilling.

On Jeni's one year 'birthday' for her blog she had written that the blog itself had been therapeutic for her...I can see why. And whether everything pans out or not, I can tell this is a blog I will want to keep :)

Right now I have to wait for my OB/GYN to give me clearance to 'be pregnant'. What's the wait? Well I was born with a narrow aorta and heart murmurs. I had to have heart surgery at 4 and 1/2 months of age to repair the narrow aorta. The chance of survival was only 50/50 but I pulled through just fine. I was then placed on medication until age 2. At that point the doctor okayed me to 'do as other kids do'. From then on it was just a heart checkup every 5 years with the last one being at age 21 with Children's Mercy in KC. That last vist to Children's Mercy I was cut loose and the doctors told me that the chances of my aorta narrowing back out now or in the future was very slim to none.

Well i've only been with my current primary care provider for about two years so she wasn't real familiar with my heart history and of course is not a specialist, so she asked me to go ahead and get a heart checkup about a year ago. So I did and everything was fine. I will also note that I had a fantastic problem free pregnancy with my daughter who is now five years old (and only a 4 1/2 hour labor! :)). But just to be on the safe side, she wants me to get clearance from a cardiologist first, then she said she would be more than happy to send in the clearance for me. So, my appointment is March 14th. That was the soonest they could me in...it was that or April 25th! So yeah, of course I picked March 14th.
 
The thought of carrying life inside me again is exciting! But on the flip side (and it feels contradictory but what can I say?) I don't actually want another child. My daughter is all i need. She is smart, beautiful and an all round happy and well behaved little girl...most of the time, lol!

 
Funny little thing just adores school and is always more than happy to do her homework (She's only in Kindergarten). In fact she gets very upset if she has to wait do it! Lol. Hopefully she continues to like school.
 
Well, until next time!